Dabbling Babbling Mommy

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Dear All People Who Make Me Feel Guilty,

Please shut up.

People Who Exercise:

I hate exercise. I am skinny but incredibly out of shape. I know I should exercise. It’s good for my heart, my muscles, and my mental health. But I don’t exercise. So if you do choose to exercise, please don’t talk about how great you feel after a good workout or post pictures of your new 26.2 tattoo. You make me feel guilty for not exercising.

Photographers:

Especially amateur photographers. Stop posting beautiful photographs of your children online. Your ability to capture a moment and express the emotions of that moment is amazing. Please stop rubbing it in my face that I have a few slightly blurry, red-eye snapshots of my kids. You make me feel guilty for not being a better photographer.

Bakers:

If by “homemade” you mean that I added some water to a boxed mix, then yes, these are homemade. I know they don’t compare to your cinnamon pecan cupcakes with a praline drizzle and chocolate shavings. You don’t need to blog about it AND post on Pinterest. You make me feel guilty for not baking from scratch.

Animal-Lovers:

I have a dog and a cat. They are ok…they live at my house, and I like them most of the time. I know pets generally improve people’s quality of life, and I wish I could have an attachment to my pets like you, who insists on posting photos of your English Toy Spaniel. You make me feel guilty for not loving animals more.

Outdoorsy People:

I love trees and birds; sun, beaches, and the smell of fresh-cut grass. But it will be a cold night on the equator before you see me choosing a campground over a resort spa. My husband and son love to hike and camp, and so your constant jabbering about your weekend in the mountains, where you hiked for 22 hours wearing a backpack and some Vibrams, makes me feel like a lazy sloth. And knock it off with making your Facebook cover photo the view from the top of the mountain. You make me feel guilty for not being more adventurous and rugged.

Finally, if you could all stop inferring that I am not good enough by sharing your joys and expressing your opinions, that would really help me to shut out the real world.

Sincerely,
Ridden with Unnecessary Guilt

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Channeling Jessie Spano

Does coffee count? Or just caffiene in pill form?